Lets have a bit of fun.

[Alikado]

A guy goes to the doctor suffering from inexplicable but excruciating headaches.

"Do you smoke?" says the doctor.

"No."

"Do you drink alcohol?"

"No."

"Do you eat a lot of rich food?"

"No."

"Do you take drugs?"

"No."

"Do you watch a lot of pornography?"

"No."

"Do you have a lot of sex?"

"No."

"I think you'll be needing an operation," says the doctor. "Nothing serious, we just need to loosen your halo."

[mattw]

that's a nice clean joke.

[horse]

I wondered why I was getting headaches.

[LikkleAli]

hehe

[hettyketty]

I would love to add to this with my large collection of Irish jokes. It's ok, I am not being racist, I come from Irish stock, all jokes told and laughed at by them Irish ones

[hettyketty]

Paddy Died in a Fire

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two a***holes."

"What? He had two a***holes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two a***holes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two a***holes....'"

[Stupot]

Male Sensitivity


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man named Larry at the back of the room slowly raised his hand."Yes," said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

[UKIPFORUK]

Paddy Died in a Fire

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two a***holes."

"What? He had two a***holes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two a***holes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two a***holes....'"

Brilliant ))

[jenchris]

A man says to his shrink.
"When I woke up yesterday, I thought I was a wigwam. Then when I woke up today I thought I was a teepee."

The shrink wrote him a prescription for valium.

"What's this for?"

"Well from what you told me, you're two tents."

[den]

I'm Irish and stronly object to your racist "joke", an apology would be in order or should I contact the moderators.

No you're not. You aren't Irish (Why would you care about UKIP if you were?). You don't earn 160k a year and you don't work in Poland.

You are deluded, partially illiterate and plain nasty.

I am of genuine Irish lineage and find nothing offensive in the above joke. As a Catholic, however, I do find your appropriation of Mother Teresa as an avatar quite offensive. It's not worth reporting to the mods though, as your current behaviour on several threads and uncalled for insults to many posters will undoubtedly get you banned at some point in the near future.

[UKIPFORUK]

No you're not. You aren't Irish (Why would you care about UKIP if you were?). You don't earn 160k a year and you don't work in Poland.

You are deluded, partially illiterate and plain nasty.

I am of genuine Irish lineage and find nothing offensive in the above joke. As a Catholic, however, I do find your appropriation of Mother Teresa as an avatar quite offensive. It's not worth reporting to the mods though, as your current behaviour on several threads and uncalled for insults to many posters will undoubtedly get you banned at some point in the near future.

Wrong on two out of three, if you read the threads you will see I have said I don't work in Poland and yes I am Irish, Donegal, if you read the threads you will see I am the one who has been insulted, mission accomplished with the Mother Teresa avatar ( I am also Catholic) as it has served to wind up moral high ground dwelling, narrow minded, holier than though perfect spellers like yourself, I don't think she would have minded, she had bigger fish to fry. The fine part about it all is not one of you has come up with a decent argument against my observations and only succeeded in making fools of yourselves.

[Nomad]

I am Irish.

You'll be saying next that the Pope's Polish.

You've been sussed.

[rainydaze]

Just to change the subject...... Pilot of a plane says that engine has failed , the plane will crash shortly. Please take the time to make your peace with your God or whatever. A woman jumps up , rips open her blouse and shouts" I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" A man in a next row strips off his shirt, throws it at the woman, and says" iron that you *****"

[madmike]

Paddy and Mick are out fishing in the lake, suddenly the waters gurgle and foam, out of the water looms a giant hand which towers above them. Paddy and Mick are terrified. The giant hand hovers for a moment, gently moves left and right, then slips back under the water. All is calm again. Mick looks at Paddy......"Geeeeez Paddy, was'nt that a big wave ?"

[UKIPFORUK]

Paddy and Mick are out fishing in the lake, suddenly the waters gurgle and foam, out of the water looms a giant hand which towers above them. Paddy and Mick are terrified. The giant hand hovers for a moment, gently moves left and right, then slips back under the water. All is calm again. Mick looks at Paddy......"Geeeeez Paddy, was'nt that a big wave ?"

Love it!