"Do not tell"

[bensherman]

We have a friend who provides informal social care and she has a client in her early nineties.

This lady until recently was very active, going out , shopping, eating-out..then a couple of months ago got a diagnosis of breast cancer. And was advised she was not fit enough to have surgery for it.

Since then she has retreated to her bed, not even coming downstairs. It's as if she is now waiting to die.

So my question is this:

If we are ill we can already request a "Do Not Resuscitate" provision. Should we be able to similarly tell our doctor " If I develop a terminal condition do not tell me" provision?

[The PNP]

I don't know the answer to that....But I have no doubt being told you only have x months to go, would be very depressing news to receive. So perhaps ignorance is bliss.

On the other hand, if we all knew just how long we had, it would make planning what we did with our remaining time a lot easier. Whilst I don't plan to croak anytime soon, I do have a lot of stored clutter, shed stuff, etc, that I'd do well to get rid of. Wouldn't want the relatives to be left with the task of clearing so much 'junk' out!

[Hamble]

We have a friend who provides informal social care and she has a client in her early nineties.

This lady until recently was very active, going out , shopping, eating-out..then a couple of months ago got a diagnosis of breast cancer. And was advised she was not fit enough to have surgery for it.

Since then she has retreated to her bed, not even coming downstairs. It's as if she is now waiting to die.

So my question is this:

If we are ill we can already request a "Do Not Resuscitate" provision. Should we be able to similarly tell our doctor " If I develop a terminal condition do not tell me" provision?

Poor soul is depressed not surprisingly.
There are organisation's that can help sadly Christmas in a Pandemic is not the best time.
There is always The Samaritans phone support.

If a patient asks a question the Dr is duty bound to answer honestly.
There are ways around your question.

1. Do not ask 'Am I going to die'.
2. Ask the Dr to speak with your wife/son/daughter or other relative on medical matters on behalf of you.
If you prepare them for your wishes they have the responsibility of
keeping bad news from you

[MICK/GILLY]

We have a friend who provides informal social care and she has a client in her early nineties.

This lady until recently was very active, going out , shopping, eating-out..then a couple of months ago got a diagnosis of breast cancer. And was advised she was not fit enough to have surgery for it.

Since then she has retreated to her bed, not even coming downstairs. It's as if she is now waiting to die.

So my question is this:

If we are ill we can already request a "Do Not Resuscitate" provision. Should we be able to similarly tell our doctor " If I develop a terminal condition do not tell me" provision?

In my recent personal experience…. I think that if they don’t believe that you will benefit from resuscitation they will have “the talk” with you explaining that it won’t be worth it and you would be better off being let go, have they already said this to her do you know?, as this is enough on its own to send anyone depressed. It sounds like she might benefit from someone from a cancer organisation like Marie curie or that type of thing talking to her.

[Little Londoner]

If we are ill we can already request a "Do Not Resuscitate" provision. Should we be able to similarly tell our doctor " If I develop a terminal condition do not tell me" provision?

Don't worry about that you have no need to request DNR as I found out a couple of years ago. My other half had a fall and a resultant bleed on the brain doctors called me into the office and told me they would like to put a DNR order on the file. I requested time to consult with the family and as they had said CPR would probably have no effect and in essence would be fatal we agreed. A short time later I was taken to the office by different consultants and told life expectancy is only days and they mentioned DNR which I said has been agreed one of the consultants said "oh we'd make that decision" so asking for it is really a waste of time.
As for the do not tell me it is terminal my other half has never wanted to know about the terminal condition already suffered and since the fall I have never passed on the few days prognosis we were given which has proved to have been totally wrong and although totally dependent on others the knowledge could have meant a complete wish not to see people (which has been delivered by Covid) as per your friends client.

[MICK/GILLY]

I am betting a lot of us on here have been touched by your story and have had it in the back of their minds and have been thinking about you Christmas or not. I as many of us have lost loved ones to cancer and still don’t know anymore than anyone else about this subject but you may need help for end of life support or to talk to an authority to give hope whichever is the case. And I am sure we all wish the best for you .

[local]

If you don't want the diagnosis don't have the tests.

Many choose not to.

[bensherman]

If you don't want the diagnosis don't have the tests.

Many choose not to.

Great answer....

[bensherman]

I am betting a lot of us on here have been touched by your story and have had it in the back of their minds and have been thinking about you Christmas or not. I as many of us have lost loved ones to cancer and still don’t know anymore than anyone else about this subject but you may need help for end of life support or to talk to an authority to give hope whichever is the case. And I am sure we all wish the best for you .

Thank you but we are fine. I hope you are.
I don't know the lady in question, just our friend who is helping to care for her. She is a heart of gold character.

[Grassroots2]

[HTML]HTML] my partner has Parkinsons , diagnosed 4 years ago , over the last few months she has deteriorated significantly, 5 weeks ago she fell and fractured her hip , she declined surgery , in answer to the opening post , it would be a very difficult decision if I had to make the decision on DNR. I'm her registered carer , she has daughters .

[bensherman]

[HTML]HTML] my partner has Parkinsons , diagnosed 4 years ago , over the last few months she has deteriorated significantly, 5 weeks ago she fell and fractured her hip , she declined surgery , in answer to the opening post , it would be a very difficult decision if I had to make the decision on DNR. I'm her registered carer , she has daughters .

I am sorry to hear that.

[Grassroots2]

I am sorry to hear that.

Very difficult being a carer for someone with PD, it is a decease of the brain consequently as time ticks on different parts of the body dye to put it simply .
And the fractured hip doesnt help , never mind there always some poor soul worse off .
Happy 2022 too you and yours .

[Chris R]

I have to ask the question - Why did she not agree get her hip fixed, her mobility would be better, and no pain

[Grassroots2]

I have to ask the question - Why did she not agree get her hip fixed, her mobility would be better, and no pain

Just didnt want to go under the knife Chis, I tried to pursued her but she wasnt having it , even the consultant explained the reasons why she should have the surgery.
I thought about since and can only say maybe it was the PD over ruling her decision making .