THE BIG KICK OFF.........

Player manager Simon Rushton's hopes for the new season were dealt a severe blow before a ball has even been kicked, as last leading goal scorer Danny Wilde completed his transfer to Hesketh Bank 1st team earlier in the week for an undisclosed fee. More bad news was only just around the corner for the Gaffa, when Danny Young also informed him he will be unavaiable most weekends due to work commitments at Mac Donalds, but to soften the blow he offered the Gaffa a complimentary Mac Flurry from the drive thru on Tuesday after 6pm. Also in the departure lounge is Nick Wilde who has also taken the short trip down the road with his brother and has settled in well in the 6th team!!! Unfortunatley Trinity did not receive a pot of gold as they did for Danny, in fact after some tight negotiating from Grumpsfield it only cost the club a 3 figure sum to get rid of him (maybe the showers are better in that neck of the woods)
On a more positive note, last seasons main problem was the goalkeeping position, but that has been solved with the signing of Matty ewers from Amateurs. Also added to the squad are Paul (Roy-Boy) Morris and Ant (bonesy) Hall, Paul is a robust and aggressive character who likes to get stuck in (like a good curry and a shed load of ale by the looks of his waistline ). Anthony on the other hand is a more refined chap who likes the finer things in life, with an IQ of over 150 his knowledge of the arts and music hall organ playing is second to non, this is apparent at one of his wine and cheese evening in the leafy suburb of his Marshide estate, but be warned he only enters into conversation with others on the same wave length.

Mike Waering (CP) has also been linked with a return to the club again, after a turbulent spell in the side last season, this qualityleft sided player will be welcomed back with open arms, should he decide to accept the olive branch off the Gaffa.
Phill Morley, who was released from the Betty Ford clinic only last week, and is said to be completely rehabilitated, this born again Christian who has found solace in the pages of "the good book" is raring to go and wants to put last seasons tantrums behind him. His good friend Tony the tan has tried in vain over recent years to guide him in the right direction, but more often than not it ended up with him consuming vast amounts of "jungle juice" on a Friday night culminating in a slurred phone call to the Gaffa on a Saturday morning. Now the good lord himself has intervened and looks to have put him on the straight and narrow, but will the Gaffa give him one last chance.

Steve (humpit) Young has kept the armband, and will continue to promote the fast, free flowing one touch football, more commonly found in the Southern Hemisphere. That could have been the reason why last seasons average home crowd topped the 400 mark, a figure that has not been achchieved since the late 1920's when Robson, Baines and Rimmer graced the lush Rookery turf with there presence.
In midfield it looks likely that Martin (wee-man) Gautrey will hold centre stage once again, the wee-man does not relate to his size or stature but to a bladder problem he had last season, where he found himself caught short during the half time interval on several occasions, the yellow stains on the new tennis courts could have something to do with this

With Danny Wilde and Danny Young unavailable we could be a bit short up front, up step Barry Short, who incidentally has just opened his new salon in Ainsdalevillage called, "A Short Cut". the likely outcome will be Chris Hodge reverting to his old striking role. Also a candidate for the number 10 shirt would be Lord-Campbell, who has been ousted from between the sticks, another name on the tip of everyones tongue must be our Caribbean friend Dwight Mais, who, we have been told by the cricket section, would be greeted with a warm welcome for the loyal service he gave to the cricket team :mad
Behind the scenes there will be the same old reliable faces, Jimmy Grumpsfield, the Doctor from Gloucester and big Malc the silver fox, the latter of which has decided to wipe the slate clean for anyone owing outstanding fines from the previous seasons campaign.
Glenn the fat photographer will also be on hand again, along with his side kick, head steward Kev Fartley, who himself spent a couple of weeks in the clinic with Morley.
With news spreading around the town about the departure of Danny Wilde, season ticket sales dropped in July, but when his Brother Nicky was shown the door, tick sales increased by over 50% in August, with only a limited amount of seats left in the Pete Dixon paddock now is the time to make the best investment you'll ever make

Have a great season lads.....

Thanks once again for all the comments last season, and I will look forward to seeing them again this year

REPORT BY S.M.Y

Well Pingu or MR X, both the same thing.....

Latest news just in, Trinity have just signed Korean international winger called R-Soul, he will be instantly noticed, as he comes from a deeply religous cult who forbid there members to shave or cut there hair. So next week when he arrives Glenn will snap him with his camera, and there will be a picture posted on the site of a very hairy R-Soul....

Well done lads yesterday 1-1, full report on this site Tuesday.

Well done lads, that makes 26 league games on the bounce without losing, the last 5 games of the 04/05 season, 20 games of the 05/06 and yesterdays draw. Fantastic.
I have just read about the new Korean signing, believe it or not he is the brother my Gardener Licmi-r-soul and is Our Phil's new best friend. I think when he comes over i'll have him round for tea.
And just on a final note I would like to thank you all for the get well cards we have had since Our Phil has come out of Re-hab, they have brightened our day up.
love Bessie.

Great point away from home boys. Why do we have to wait until Tuesday for match report??? Cammy has his cricket reports on by Sunday lunch time at the latest.

Come on, you can do better you numpties!

p w d l f a gd pts

1 Highcross 1 1 0 0 5 3 2 3

2 Hesketh Bank Afc 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3

3 Hoole Utd. 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3

4 Mawdesley 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3

5 Charnock Richard Fc 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3

6 Farington Villa Fc 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1

7 Southport Trinity A 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1

8 Muldoons F.c. 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

9 New Longton Rovers Fc Res 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

10 Preston G.s.a Res 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

11 Catforth Fc 1 0 0 1 3 5 -2 0

12 Preston United 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

(updated: 19/08/2006)



19/08/2006

home away

Catforth Fc 3 - 5
Highcross

Charnock Richard Fc 1 - 0
Preston G.s.a Res

Farington Villa Fc 1 - 1
Southport Trinity A

Hesketh Bank Afc 2 - 0
Preston United

Muldoons F.c. 1 - 2
Hoole Utd.

New Longton Rovers Fc Res 1 - 2
Mawdesley

THE FLAT BATTERY

FARRINGTON VILLA 1-1 TRINITY 3RDS SAT 19TH AUGUST att..163

Smart…18.……………………..Short…12

Simon Rushton’s all conquering side of last season started the new campaign off with a creditable draw away from home with only 11 men. With Hodge and Camp-Bell still on cricketing duties until the middle of September, and Mrs Moran prancing around some Mediterranean island in his leopard skin Speedo’s and waxed chest, the Gaffa had no choice but to make the short trip to Worden park with just the bare 11.

Things didn’t start well even before the team left the Rookery, when Rushton’s Reliant Robin xldti ghia, had a battery failure, this left only one option, but for skipper Young and new signing Morris to push this Del Boy replica vehicle down Roe Lane, this is another reason why big Dwight needs to sign on, as he has first hand experience of this manoeuvre with his part in the action movie “cool runnings”.

The game kicked off slightly late as both teams waited for the official to turn up, but unfortunately this was not meant to be, so the home side provided a suitable replacement, this does not bode well for the season ahead. Trinity won the toss and decided to kick down the slope and take advantage off a slight breeze in their favour, the heavy overnight rain meant the playing surface was perfect for the away sides slick one touch football.

Making his debut in the famous Trinity colours was keeper Matty Ewers, this 6”4 giant looked a daunting prospect for any on rushing striker to beat. The back four had the same solid look to it as normal, the only change being Tony the tan coming in to fill the right back spot left by fat Nick. In midfield were the Sperrin sisters, Gautrey and Morris, with Short and Drewitt the strike force.

The opening 10 minutes was a bit like a heavy weight boxing duel, with both teams physcing each other out, throwing the occasional jab or two. Then in the 12th minute Trinity landed a big right!!! When Gautrey won possession in the centre circle, his inch perfect pass found Short on the edge of the area, whose jinxing run mesmerised the defence and low swerving shot found the bottom corner of the net, to send the 150 travelling away fans delirious with joy.
There jubilation only lasted 6 minutes though, when a poor clearance by the Trinity keeper fell straight at the feet of the Farrington number 10, who despatched a right footed half volley back over his head into the empty net to put his side back on level terms. Tempers began to fray as Rushton and Morris put some heavy tackles in, much to the dislike of the home side. The only clear cut chance in the remainder of the first period fell to Short, who found himself in the clear after a defensive lapse, but as he lifted his shot over the advancing keeper his face turned to horror as it not only cleared the crossbar, but also an 80 foot giant redwood behind the goal….(half-time 1-1).

In the second period of play it was backs to the wall, as the tired legs of Trinity found things hard going, especially as there opponents had 3 substitutes at there disposal. Trinity did have one clear chance when Drewitt shot over the bar from 20 yards out, the ball did seem to bobble just before he struck it though and on further inspection of the area he found Sperrin’s dummy and returned it to him.
As the game entered the final 10 minutes, only a timely interception from Young halted a Farrington move with the home side having numbers over in the area. The final whistle came much to the relief of the Roe Lane based outfit, whose tired limbs made there way back to H.Q. for a good session on the “amber nectar”….(full-time 1-1).

A shattered Rushton said afterwards, “I’m proud of everyone today, it was hard work out there, the lads who have let us down will have to wait there turn, apart from my new R-Soul, whose been running well this week”

Next week the lads are away again, this time against Catforth at the Preston Sports Arena……coaches leave Roe Lane 11.30, there will be a stop at the Fleece pub on the way for pie and peas.

REPORT SMY

Not a bad start,but who could let you down so early in the season

Need to get a bigger squad together or its back to the boxing ring against prestons united colours of differences

southport trinity reveal there latest signing, pictured are manager simon rushton and skipper steve young with paul morris pictured centre.

Originally Posted by major hog

southport trinity reveal there latest signing, pictured are manager simon rushton and skipper steve young with paul morris pictured centre.

You may be right,those three look and play like the three stooges,but are much heavier than larry,curly and mo

When are we getting some decent new signings instead of overweight pie eaters,we got rid of fat nik and he is now replaced by portly paul

Great match report S.M.Y - looks like the squad is thin on the ground but thick round the waist - not a good combination I am afraid and I think it will be a long season ahead, but still unbeaten! Well done Simone. Good to see the main work of the day was done in the bar afterwards.

I think when Young Jnr returns as well as Hodgey and Smythe, the average waist size should drop a couple of inches, but will be negated by Cammy and Mrs Moran returning as well. God help you if the rumour mill is correct and CP is back in the frame!

Whatever you do Simone, don't sign fat Nick back on as there will be no chance of getting the belt size average below 36"

As it is BH weekend, I cannot make the trip to Preston on saturday, good luck boys

SISTAS suck in more ways than one,very worried about the pot bellied warriors that the chosen one has brought in,Morris is like that first team nancy boy Morgan,in one week out the next,Hall couldnt fight his way out of a wet paper bag never mind into the Gaffas plans

This team will have to do better than this if it still wants any of my money ~ victories are needed not draws (we will have enough of them when we rip them off the SISTAS )
Is major hog Fizzer? if not he should be

Any sign of new players coming in,before the transfer deadline closes at the end of the month

I watched all last seasons matches live on Trinity TV from my confessional booth and was so proud of you all, I can't hide my excitement any longer Southport Trinity 3rd team are now the official team of the Catholic Church, thats official, even his holyness has a special set of black and blue roseary beads that he swings relentlessly to and fro on a Saturday afternoon.
The whole of the Vatican has Trinity fever we've even taken to playing 5 a side during prayer break, this was until Father Guiness struck a fierce volley from the right wing and knocked the statue of Mary Magdalene into the Pontiff's favourite rhododendron bush
We will pray for you all, to be sure, to be sure

What you boys need is a proper coach,proper training,proper scout followed by a glass of stout!!!
Whats wrong with the kit our Seamus bought,and all willy Rushtons kids wear?
Can't believe your managed by the mild drinking hairy fairy at the back!
Young Will,or is it Will Young? got a right roasting from the mild one on Saturday,but he said bugger all to the OAP's in the team!
Time for some fresh faces,must be some Smyth's,Murphy's,Moran's and Quinn's knocking about!
You should make your team meetings more frequent and open to all,O'leary's will welcome you all!
Good luck to you,i think you need it this season.
Maybe the Mild one thinks he and his cronies can go on for ever!!!!